Oh Ex-Boyfriends...

I suppose I should say, "Oh most recent-should be groveling because he misses me so much, but isn't-ex boyfriend"... Regardless...

So today was one of THOSE days on the ol' ex front.  Before we even get to that part of it, let me preface this with: at school, there was a fire drill.  I happened to be wearing wedges and we happen to have to go down a grassy knoll.  Guess who ate grass?  Got that right.

Then it was off to the bank to be able to fund two happy hours.  Yeah, I got a life somewhere in there. 

Where was happy hour one?  Guapo's.  Bethesda.  Location of the first "real" date of ex and I.  Honey pie and I sat by the window at the front, shared ceviche and guac.  He had a beer and I had an iced tea.  Yeah, I'm a cheap date.  You'd think for that alone, he'd have wanted to fight for me, cause he like cheap.  I remember to this day how nervous I was for it - maybe that was a sign.  I should really listen to my stomach when it decides it wants to shit on me.  Lesson learned.

Is it any wonder I downed a particularly strong margarita damn quick?  I think not.  Who am I meeting at this first happy hour?  A bunch of teachers from the high school I student taught at last semester.  All of whom I haven't seen in a few months.  All of whom had no idea what happened between the boy and I.  All of whom asked.  Three times I had to explain.  Three times I had to endure looks of pity.  Three times I about banged my head against the table.  Yes, I deserve someone who wants to show me off.  Yes, I really am that good looking.  Yes, I have more fun as a blonde.  Yes, battery operated toys are necessary in these times.  Oooppsss, wasn't supposed to say that last one aloud.

Is it any wonder I downed a second particularly strong margarita damn quick?  Lest we forget... I rarely drink.  So two margaritas in and I was feeling pretty damn good.  Reference cheap date.  Maybe I should put that on the Positives of Mo sign - cheap date.  Think a man will stick around for that?  I kid, I kid.

Ok, off to happy hour two considerably lighter in the pocket.  Read no money on me and seven bucks in my bank account.  USC - hurry the fuck up!  This girl's got things to do!  So I go do my thang and roll on out fairly early.  There's a game on Saturday, so I'll see these peeps soon.  I've got things to get done and it's a school night.

On my drive home, through the park, I end up behind the porker of the century.  PORKER.  Could we go any damn slower?  I think not.  It's a blonde.  It's a female.  Then she turns on the street where I found those monster dogs a few months back.  And I remember a certain female telling me she lives around there; then I remember same said female saying she owns this particular type of car.  Who is this female?  Most likely the confirmed gf of the youngest brother of my ex.  Yes, confirmed.  No, I was never confirmed. 

Did I mention I have a full bottle of wine handy?

The universe was clearly being mean to me today.  So I have this to say to karma and the universe.

1)  I'm hot.

2)  I'm a fucking bad ass.

3)  Did I mention I'm hot?

4)  I'm loyal and honest.  Have I had a date yet?  Nope.  We broke up on a Thursday, did he have a date that Friday night?  I'd lay down $100 of money I don't have to say YES.  Why is this making the list?  Because I have moral fiber and actually take time to mourn the loss of something good, even if it was fake.  Clearly, this makes me Mother Teresa status.  Or Virgin Mary.  Whatever.  It's all the same.  I am the rockstar that is Godly.  Bring it.

5)  Again, if you didn't get it the first two times, I'm hot.

6)  My car and apartment are still in PERFECT shape.

7)  Ok, I'll use another adjective.  I'm stunning, sexy, delightful, blah blah blah, yak yak yak.  If you didn't already know all this, you're blind.

So universe, karma, and dipshit - BITE ME.

(No, he'll never read this, but it still felt really good to send that out there his way)

And with that, off to workout (not swim in the verrrrry large bottle - make that two - of wine I have), then watch a movie.  I'm thinking "He's Just Not That Into You" is apropos right about now...