Clothing

Yet again... I have two stories for you.  The first, merely a little humorous; you may just crack a smile.  The second?  Epic.

Sunday, I was a friend's house.  I thought I looked halfway cute, I mean, not perfect, but cute enough.  I was wearing a light blue tank with black bermudas and flip flops.  What could be bad about this?  Right???  Until I go to the bathroom.  And look in the mirror when washing my hands.  Guess what else I was a wearing?  A hot pink bra.  Apparently not only I knew this, but everybody who saw me.  Including mom.  Go figure.


Two warnings about today:
1. I will admit, going into this story, that this afternoon has not been particularly wonderful.  Yeah yeah, cry me a river Justin.  So I decide I need to go back to my roots and write.  Just write all of the resentment and other assorted crap out.  I decide to go to Barnes and Noble to get a journal, thinking I looked like I had pulled myself together, that I hadn't been crying at all.
2. You know those ladies you see when you're that you wonder what they were thinking when they walked out of the house that day.  You know... the ones we all bash on?  Keep that in mind.

I also thought I looked halfway put together again.  Vicki's Secret black yoga pants, a Berks shirt (who can look bad in this?!) and flops again.

Well, people were giving me kinda strange looks.  I wiped my nose, hoping there were no boogers.  Nope, no boogers.  I checked to make sure no tp under my shoe.  Nope, no tp.  I looked down at the girls, see if I'd pulled a dirty shirt rather than a clean shirt.  Nope, it's clean.  I go to pay and the salesperson was especially nice to me.  Hhhhmmm.  So I go to Starbs for an emotional eating (or drinking that isn't booze) treat and the barista had been particularly rude to the person before me, yet was nice and docile with me, repeating what I'd ordered and saying thank you more than once.  Hhhmmm.

So I get home with my treats.  I decide to see what's up and go look in the full length mirror.

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.

I have become one of THOSE women.  My toenails were about the only things on me that looked good (they're green...).  My calves also looked ok.  Now... the thighs.  Cottage cheese.  The abdomen.  Hanging out - literally, it was either round or a tiny bit of flesh on the side showing.  The girls?  Uni-boob.  And with tits like mine, that is TOUGH to do.  Yet, I have succeeded in creating the uni-boob.  I have a random stray hair sticking out of my neck (of all places...).  Parts of my hair were sticking up, my nails are chipping and my eyes were still BRIGHT red.  I looked like a motherfreaking wreck.  I have become one of THOSE women.  Hell has frozen over.  You know that Armageddon that was supposed to hit a few months ago?  Well, it's coming now.  Not because the Bible says so, but because I became THAT woman who walks out of the house and nobody can figure out why.

Feel free to laugh at me.  I know I am.  While I hang my head in ever loving shame.