MAPTON Feminine Care Products

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack!  Actually, I'm not.  I'm procrastinating like a badass and just HAD to share about a lil conversation that had Christine and I IN TEARS.  We're still laughing ten minutes later.  It's probably one of those situations where it's only funny when you're there, but I'm telling you about it anyways!

For my final paper, I'm creating an advertisement.  I've decided to make it an advertisement for tampons due to a variety of reasons, not the least of which, it's funny.

I scrambled the letters "t-a-m-p-o-n" to create MAPTON.  So, my pseudo company name is MAPTON Feminine Care Products.  Now... I need a slogan.

But first, what is my advertisement going to portray?  Well, since the paper is on groups that get less than a fair shake in ads (read, anything other than skinny and white), I first decided I need a body in a wheelchair.  Since most people assume that a body in a wheelchair must mean an ad about the special olympics, it was time to show that same body in a different circumstance.

So circumstance one is a few girls playing basketball or something with the slogan reading...
"MAP your way to healthy living without a TON of blood"
But... I don't know about y'all... that's kinda gross.

Then I thought, well, nobody expects a person in a wheelchair at the clubs, so what about that???
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard... is not going to happen if you're not prepared with MAPTON Feminine Care Products."
Well... first of all, copywrite issues.  Second of all, just nowhere near as funny.  Even if it's not as gross.

So... circumstance three it is.  A wedding!  With inspiration from an episode of Say Yes to the Dress, who showed an episode of a gal in a wheelchair with a specially designed dress for her wheels.  No, there was no mention of blood.
"Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...  Not red.  Use MAPTON Feminine Care Products to save your special day"

And third time is a charm!!!  Circumstance three is being used.  I.e. slogan #3 was behind the curtain.

Now, let's just hope my professor finds that as hilarious as we do...

Anybody else have any other brilliant ideas???