Busted?

Well... someone or other had the misfortune to leave my blog up on their screen... at work... and I was found out.  *GASP*

Except when I got yelled at for having this wackadoodle blog, I was told it was "found" by this person, by my name.  Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute.  My real name is not attached to this blog... even I'm not that insane...

All I can figure is the finder outer MUST be jealous of my friend to have such a fabulous person as me in their lives.

On that note, I googled myself.  It is always so much fun to see myself as an English man, who has the exact same name as me.  Whoa!  I can't imagine me without tits and with a penis.  And with an accent!  How COOL would that be?!  Although I always get asked what country I come from...  So close enough!

Today was hilarious when I was teaching.  We're having the students write about a favorite memory, so both my "Master Teacher" and I shared ours.  First of all, the MT is freaking awesome.  She busted out singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame".  So I felt I just HAD to keep up.  I told a fun little poem about the days of the hair.  You know... the hair.  For those of you who didn't know me when... ha!  Way to miss out.  Let me preface this with:  it looks big here, but it looks even bigger on a projector screen.

First there were the looks of shock.  The looks at the picture and looks at me, the ass-whitest person known to man.  The same one who BURNED after ONE minute in a tanning bed.  Then came the best question ever.

"Are you BLACK?!"

Trojans

Mom and I were discussing last night the need to get Grandpa a birthday present from USC, seeing as how his birthday is a short three weeks away and he's so proud that I'm going to school at SC.

(Reminder: Mom went to UCLA... this is a big rivalry folks.  And no, mom and I are not rivals.  Reminder: I am, and will forever be, a Golden Bear.  Not a small, dickless one like the poor stepchild to the south.  Just had to remind people.)

(More reminder: USC's mascot or "name" is the Trojan.  So folks who go to school there are the Trojans.)

Mom: The little stuffed animal idea, that says "Somebody from USC Loves Me" is cute.  I mean, unless you can find any Trojan condoms lying around.

Me: Greaaaaaaaaaat idea mom!  I'll get GRANDPA some condoms for this birthday!  I bet he'll know what to do with them!

And you all thought it was my dad who passed down the raunchy gene.  Clearly, I was screwed from the start since I got TWO genes of fun passed down.

I mean, who couldn't love my family?  They're hilarious!  And fun!  Sticks up their asses would never happen - unless of course you dicked with me, in which case... maybe a stick up your ass?  I seriously need to make sure that whatever man is my future is as fun as these people.  Good times abound in my home.

Seriously though.  Best mom EVER.  And one who knows her daughter so well.  No joke!  This may be a "funny" blog, but no joke!  She bribed to keep living where I'm living now.  I kid you not.  What did she bribe me with you ask?

A pole.  Yes, you saw that right.  A "stripping" pole.  Granted, I'll be using mine for fitness (insert laugh track here), but still. 

I CANNOT WAIT FOR IT TO COME!

Now that I've interrupted myself with that bit of necessary information, I'll get back to the point.  And another story.  One of my bestest friends since the dawn of time, ok, maybe not the dawn, texted me to tell me she's going with her boyfriend to check out ring sizes.  Thank God the dirtiness above had yet to ensue, otherwise my dirty little head would have said,

"They make specific sizes for THOSE kinds of rings???"

Bada-bing, bada-bang.

Spanked!

Well, I'm already on track of screwing up young minds.  Luckily, it was only the 12th graders today.

"The Irish got spanked by the Brits in taxes".

Looking at the bright side, the not native English speaker actually understood what I was saying.  The other bright side is the teacher I work with is also that... open minded.

The non bright side?  Let's hope I'm not observed by a professor who has a stick up his ass.

THAT Kind of Day

I have no patience today!  Please do excuse the previous blog - that was to go on my training blog and... not so much.

On the more fun news... I start screwing up children on Monday.

Oh, I mean... student teaching.

Smoker

I have the bestest "family" ever, i.e. the people who make up my family who are not blood.

Christina has invited me to the Smoker.  This is a big ol' party for all the soon to be doctors who have been placed and the story on the block is that they do it UP.

Christina first invited me by saying, "Well Morgan, there are going to be lots of hot black guys who are going to be doctors..."  And then followed it up with, "You'll be the hit of the party!  You have the boobs and the butt!"  And proceeds to tell me I need to wear a tight, hot dress to show it all off.

So I tell another friend all about this Smoker, and she says, "You're getting your new stripper shoes for pole soon!  You can wear those!!!"

Ok, last I checked, my goal was NOT to be getting paid for such services that can be acquired when wearing such outfits...  But I am forever glad that I can provide such amusement to folks.

Irrespective, I will be wearing a hot dress to the Smoker.  But if you don't mind, the stripper shoes will be staying at home.  March 17th baby!  Look for pictures soon thereafter.  Something tells me I'll end up doing SOMETHING that makes this blog...