All Things Poop

Ok, maybe not ALL things.  I mean, this isn't supposed to be a book blog.

I remember when I was a mere youngster, there was a book called Everybody Poops.  A book that didn't make a joke of, or pull any punches, about the natural process of pooping.

First of all, what is poop?  According to urbandictionary.com, it is: Bodily waste of varying color, viscosity, shape, odor and texture. Usually exits the body through your pooper, speed, noise and degree of pain may vary depending on what you ate.  The only disagreement I majorly have is to describe the chute in which poop exits as the pooper as, according to proper grammar, you cannot use the word being defined in the definition.  The technical term for this would be the anus.

Now where is this coming from you might ask?  Well, for those of you who know my sneaky brain, this is an excellent way for me to discuss skid marks without the dire threat delineated in the prior blog being enacted upon me.  And then, of course, the prior discussions of expulsions of air out of the anus, otherwise known as the act of farting.

As we've already discussed the expulsion of air, there isn't much to say about the act itself (I mean, I'm pretty sure I don't need to know if you're a grunter, groaner, plant your feet and push, or whatever else).  So that leaves us with the after effects.  And then, I have some other random things to share that I have learned while doing "research" for this blog.

Skid marks.  There was a poll done (not by me!).  One person said that it's the after effects left on the lid of the toilet.  Another said that it was anything left behind after flushing.  I was a bit confused by these answers as why would they be described as "skid marks"?  Well, I said it was the racing stripe left behind in the underwear.  I was right according to my new best friend: urban dictionary.  UD: an elongated stain in the rear of one's underwear caused by one of the following: 1)rubbing of the underwear on an insufficiently wiped anus after excrementing 2)expelling juicy farts (butt cheese) into the underwear over an extended period.  Granted, this was far more in depth than anything I'd come up with...

Ok, new lessons time.  What is "butt cheese"???  Take a guess please.  Just take a guess.
Butt cheese: The accumulation of feces, toilet paper, lint, and other detritus in the area between the buttocks. With time and mechanical action, assuming the appropriate binding elements are present, butt cheese takes a granular form which is known as dingleberries. Uncontrolled, butt cheese can progress beyond dingleberries to dinglebombs or in the vernacular "butt grapes".  Ok, whoever has the time to come up with this shit (har har) has way too much time on their hands.

And no, you do NOT need to mention how much time I have on my hands.  It's called procrastination.  I'm excellent at such things.

And another one.  "Poopsocking".  Take your guess now.  Just take it.
Poopsocking: Defacating into a sock in order to avoid having to get up from your computer to use the toilet. Often utilized when playing online role playing games.
Do I really need to add commentary on this one???  Please tell me none of you have ever done this, otherwise I'm going to be a bit concerned.  Cause how do you keep playing your game and wipe???  Ok, maybe asking questions is NOT a good idea in this circumstance...

Ok ladies and gents, I believe you've had enough of the stinky world of she-it this evening.  Enjoy your regular dose of fun on the pot.

Thought of the day (courtesy of my father): If you land in shit, turn it into fertilizer and sell it!