Funny Friday

Yesterday going into this morning was a HOOT.

It all started at work.  Yeah, go figure.  I was in a meeting with a colleague and Tom, discussing social media for a special type of camp we'll be doing this summer.  Tom gets on the phone with another colleague, so the other lady and I kept speaking.  She was saying as if she was a student that we hope to attend the camp, "blah blah blah, FUCK the people, blah blah blah..."  To which I started to die laughing, as did Tom who was still on the phone.  Luckily the person on the phone didn't hear her... A woman who has never dropped a bomb before out of the blue drops the f-bomb while we have somebody on the phone.  Epic.

Then came the rest of the evening.  Derrick and I made plans to go to a sexy store so I could look for shoes for pole, then dinner.  I invited the ol' boyfriend along because there's really very little time to see him this weekend on either of our ends, but honestly?  Never expected him to come.

He came.

First, we all stopped by D's, so he could let the dogs out and all that jazz.  I showed Michael the new house, then decided to be an asshole and scare the crap out of him.  We stood in the bedroom and I sighed, saying I want a big bed, a California King big bed.  Michael tells me that sleeping in them is really weird, because you end up at weird angles with so much space... Now remembering homeboy has said he doesn't like sharing beds... "But Michael, if we shacked up and got a king sized bed, you'd be sleeping with me without sleeping with me." 

Now a man could have two reactions to this kind of comment.  One being to run screaming from the house and into oncoming traffic on the street.  The second being to stare at the person making the comment with a bewildered and slightly terrified expression on their faces.

Michael chose door number two.  So I simply fluttered my lashes at him, and told him that he gives me problems, I give him solutions.  I mean, come on now people, we can't say I'm not on top of things.

Har har har.

Moving on to the sex shop.  Off we go to wonderland!  The shoe part of the equation was a bust because it was a tiny shop and they had like... two pairs.  Seriously, everything was a size 6.  What is up with that?!

So instead, D and I made it our mission to embarrass Michael.  I know, we're both jerks.  I even told Michael that was our mission, just so he could prepare himself.  We still managed to pink him up a little.  Yes, we discussed shoes, then the size of dildos, then anal beads, then mesh lined underwear for men while trying to figure out where exactly Mr. Pointy goes... and then the games.  Ho boy the games.  Not going to lie, they had a raunchy minds game.  I desperately wanted to buy it.  Everybody else would need to drink before playing, me on the other hand?  Since when do I need booze to have a dirty mind?

At dinner Michael got his payback, albeit inadvertently.  He's been working with a client for quite a few weeks, and at another time, a whole lot of few weeks, that deals in kitchenware.  Well, I never really figured out the kitchenware part, so whenever M said, "I'm going to Blah in City," I'd just nod my head and smile.  Well, he brought up the kitchenware in conjunction with the client last night, and I perked up and said, "Oh!!!  So that's who they are!!!"  He looked at me with such utter shock, I almost crawled under the table...  Oh well, I don't suffer much embarrassment, even if I do have two of my best friends laughing their asses off at me.

All in all, a fantastic evening.  It was my man's first time visiting a sexy shop (don't you love how I made that nice?!) and I give him all the credit in the world for enjoying himself (I think???) and going with the flow.  I'm a nutball to date, and he's clearly done quite the job of it.

Now onto this morning...  I've been looking for shoes.  Yes yes, stripper shoes.  I finally decided to scope out the Playboy Bunny Shop site, figuring at least they're a "reputable" company.  Is it just wrong that I really like some of the shirts?

On that bombshell, go have yourself a sexy day.  Unless you're my man, then please don't, since I won't be seeing you :P.  Unless you're thinking of me of course...

(Clearly I needed to make him pink up one last time...)

For a Special Friend...

A long while back, I was in LA and there may or may not have been a quest.

A quest to find man thongs.  Specifically a metallic silver one.  I would have liked to see a red metallic one, but regardless.  I was reminded of this quest this evening and few quotes in conjunction with said memory...

Before heading out on the quest...

"I need to get cash, I don't want this showing up on my debit card.  30 bucks won't take me too far"

"Were you planning on buying more than one thong?"

"I don't intend to buy anything more, but I'm with my dear friend Morgan, who convinces me to buy things I do not need"
(Which, by the way, I did.  We both walked out with two forms of massage oil and a few joke gifts)

Upon our first shop stop...

"This looks like a classy joint"

"I don't think sex shop and classy are synonymous terms."

And as this special friend was postulating about a recent experience with a young man who we may or may not have gone to school with...

"I know you have a penis.  I'm not impressed"

Urban Dictionary

Today I officially taught for the first time.  No, I didn't maim any students or force them to run crying from the room.

One activity I had them do called for small groups to write very short stories on eating ice cream using a mood word to create that mood within the story.  One group had the word "mad".  So they write about a guy who got his ice cream knocked to the ground by a douche...

I kindly mentioned that the word "douche" used in that context is considered slang.  The young man responds, "it's in the dictionary!!!"  Well, I'm not entirely certain I'm allowed to mention what a douche actually is in real life, as according to the dictionary (nicely put - it's an orifice cleaner outer).  He says, "see!  you're saying it's in the dictionary too!"  Well no son, I'm saying its proper meaning is not the one he's using it as, so to see if he can come up with an alternate word that may mean the same thing...

I also mentioned, "and remember, urban dictionary is not the dictionary, i.e. if you look up that word on urban dictionary, that doesn't mean it is the proper meaning or usage of the word."

What was his response?

"You know what urban dictionary is?"

Well, hell, kid, just how old do you think I am?!