A New Kind of Hybrid

I'm not going to discuss what made me think of this, but...

In my complete lack of shame, I just had to share this idea with you.  It's the idea for a whole new kind of hybrid car.

What if cars could be run on people gas?  Have a patched up hole in pants/skirts that get undone, sit on the seat and let 'er rip.  Granted, nobody would want to sleep with you, but what a great form of birth control.

And the price of beans would go up.  Now that's kind of sad.

Who wants to sing the bean song with me?

Massage

I went for a massage last week for the specific purpose of working a knot out of my shoulder.  Not only did the knot NOT get worked out (um, homeboy, put yourself to use), but I ended up with a fascinating massage experience.

I chose to go to a different style of massage that afternoon as it was after work and before dinner, so I wanted to not get greased up as I'd have to shower and gunk up my hair.  Yes, that was the SOLE reason I chose the place.  Nevermind the fact it was also pretty cheap.  What's so different about it?  You keep your clothes on.

I wore a tank, regular bra, and super loose pants, thinking comfort.

Well, lucky me, every single time this dude's arms went down my back, there would go my pants!  Did I forget to mention this is one big open room?  Whoops!  There went my pants again!  Let me tell you the lesson I learned from this - don't wear those pants and make sure I have real undies on that day.  We're not going to discuss the blushing that went on.  Luckily the dude was asexual, so whew!  No wonder there was a "this is a non-sexual massage" note that we had to initial on the liability form...

And then there was the 7-C's.  Make a C-shape with your hand, then on somebody else leg, squeeze from the knee up 7 times, ending near the crotch area.  The higher up you can go, the less ticklish they are.  Well, there was a form of the 7-C's during this massage.  I have never, in my life, wanted to laugh soooo bad.  I didn't want to laugh and make the poor man feel bad, but seriously man, I die on the first C!!!

Another lesson, warn the poor technician ahead of time.

Speaking of technicians/aestheticians - I went in for my eyebrow waxing.  We were chatting away (when don't I do this???) and she says, completely seriously, "It's been a hairy summer."

Are your hairs under control?

Fraidy-Cat

Yes, that's me. 

I was tapped for the duties of taking care of plants, grabbing mail, jacking the house when my power was out, etc while the ol' bf's fam bam is away.

For whatever reason, the toilet on the main floor is not working.  Much to my dismay every time I remember I have a bladder and it's not big.  So I rush off down the stairs to the basement.

Every single time I walk back UP the stairs, I get the crap scared out of me.  EVERY SINGLE TIME.  By what?

Yes, those masks.  Every single time I think they're real human beings who have broken into the house to rape and kill me.  I have a rather fanciful imagination - but really man???

Did I forget to mention that when the power was out at both my place and this place, I refused to sleep downstairs in the only bed in the house I'll sleep in because I was afraid of the dark and the boogey men hiding in the closet?

I'll go bow my head in shame now...

Another Moment!

Oh gosh!  Oh gosh!  Oh gosh!

So I got asked out again.  No, not by the same creepster.  But by a Montgomery County police officer!

I looked about as crappy as yesterday, except with shorts on instead of workout pants.

I'm not sure what's going on here.  Either I'm looking five billion times hotter than I did before (which doesn't say much for me) or somehow I'm sending off some kind of vibe because said boy of last blog is five billion miles away?  No clue.  None whatsoever.

But within an hour of waking up to catch a cop... I don't know what I'm doing really, really right or really, really wrong, but hey now, way to make a girl's day!

See?  We really can depend on our cop force to protect us... protection from feeling like crap.

As for anything else... well.  I'll leave you to your opinions on that one.

A Moment

Well ladies and gents - it has finally happened.  I have had a funny moment.  Yes, yes, it has been a while.  Mucho stress and lots going on and all.  But, I just had to share this particular moment.

This particular moment MADE MY DAY.  As well as made me laugh.  I woke up messenging with the boy I'm currently dating who's halfway across the world - this beats that.  I actually checked some things off my checklist - this beats that.  I'm drinking coffee after a full day of no eating and only drinking water - this beats that.  Yes, it is just that good.  Either that or my life is just that boring these days.  Whatever.

To preface the actual story, it must be noted my attire.  From the ground up - flip flops that have seen better days, workout capris that have seen better days, with hairy legs distended from them, a v-neck, long sleeved shirt that is good enough for a pig to sleep in, a sports bra that hey now, actually holds the girls, no make-up, hair in a sloppy mess and otherwise looking like CRAP.  You'll see why this stellar review of myself matters.

I was in Starbs, getting myself a drink before work (who doesn't need coffee before work???) and chatting up with the folks there.  Suffice it to say I'm a frequent customer...

I grab my drink and a man starts this conversation with me...

Him: You're awfully polite.

Me: Yes, am times I am. 

Him: That's a rarity these days.  That's a really nice quality.

Me: Thanks!  Nice of you to say.  (Are we sensing I'm ready to leave yet???)

Him: I know this is kind of odd, but would you like to go out sometime?

Me... starring at him with my chin on the ground.  I just got asked out on a date, by somebody who's name I do not know, looking like I do (i.e. not exactly my best and I do clean up nice if I do say so myself,) all because I'm polite???  Well... polite in public.  We won't discuss the explusion of air from any orifices of body holes here.

I, of course, profusely thanked him and declined.  Clearly. 

And walked to work wondering if that really just happened or if my mind is playing dirty tricks on me because of the lack of fuel.  Could be either at this point.

On that bombshell, it's time to rock the work world, since I've already so headily rocked the dating one.