Oh Ex-Boyfriends...

I suppose I should say, "Oh most recent-should be groveling because he misses me so much, but isn't-ex boyfriend"... Regardless...

So today was one of THOSE days on the ol' ex front.  Before we even get to that part of it, let me preface this with: at school, there was a fire drill.  I happened to be wearing wedges and we happen to have to go down a grassy knoll.  Guess who ate grass?  Got that right.

Then it was off to the bank to be able to fund two happy hours.  Yeah, I got a life somewhere in there. 

Where was happy hour one?  Guapo's.  Bethesda.  Location of the first "real" date of ex and I.  Honey pie and I sat by the window at the front, shared ceviche and guac.  He had a beer and I had an iced tea.  Yeah, I'm a cheap date.  You'd think for that alone, he'd have wanted to fight for me, cause he like cheap.  I remember to this day how nervous I was for it - maybe that was a sign.  I should really listen to my stomach when it decides it wants to shit on me.  Lesson learned.

Is it any wonder I downed a particularly strong margarita damn quick?  I think not.  Who am I meeting at this first happy hour?  A bunch of teachers from the high school I student taught at last semester.  All of whom I haven't seen in a few months.  All of whom had no idea what happened between the boy and I.  All of whom asked.  Three times I had to explain.  Three times I had to endure looks of pity.  Three times I about banged my head against the table.  Yes, I deserve someone who wants to show me off.  Yes, I really am that good looking.  Yes, I have more fun as a blonde.  Yes, battery operated toys are necessary in these times.  Oooppsss, wasn't supposed to say that last one aloud.

Is it any wonder I downed a second particularly strong margarita damn quick?  Lest we forget... I rarely drink.  So two margaritas in and I was feeling pretty damn good.  Reference cheap date.  Maybe I should put that on the Positives of Mo sign - cheap date.  Think a man will stick around for that?  I kid, I kid.

Ok, off to happy hour two considerably lighter in the pocket.  Read no money on me and seven bucks in my bank account.  USC - hurry the fuck up!  This girl's got things to do!  So I go do my thang and roll on out fairly early.  There's a game on Saturday, so I'll see these peeps soon.  I've got things to get done and it's a school night.

On my drive home, through the park, I end up behind the porker of the century.  PORKER.  Could we go any damn slower?  I think not.  It's a blonde.  It's a female.  Then she turns on the street where I found those monster dogs a few months back.  And I remember a certain female telling me she lives around there; then I remember same said female saying she owns this particular type of car.  Who is this female?  Most likely the confirmed gf of the youngest brother of my ex.  Yes, confirmed.  No, I was never confirmed. 

Did I mention I have a full bottle of wine handy?

The universe was clearly being mean to me today.  So I have this to say to karma and the universe.

1)  I'm hot.

2)  I'm a fucking bad ass.

3)  Did I mention I'm hot?

4)  I'm loyal and honest.  Have I had a date yet?  Nope.  We broke up on a Thursday, did he have a date that Friday night?  I'd lay down $100 of money I don't have to say YES.  Why is this making the list?  Because I have moral fiber and actually take time to mourn the loss of something good, even if it was fake.  Clearly, this makes me Mother Teresa status.  Or Virgin Mary.  Whatever.  It's all the same.  I am the rockstar that is Godly.  Bring it.

5)  Again, if you didn't get it the first two times, I'm hot.

6)  My car and apartment are still in PERFECT shape.

7)  Ok, I'll use another adjective.  I'm stunning, sexy, delightful, blah blah blah, yak yak yak.  If you didn't already know all this, you're blind.

So universe, karma, and dipshit - BITE ME.

(No, he'll never read this, but it still felt really good to send that out there his way)

And with that, off to workout (not swim in the verrrrry large bottle - make that two - of wine I have), then watch a movie.  I'm thinking "He's Just Not That Into You" is apropos right about now...

Master Ass Kicker

USC cannot seem to find a way to unstick their heads from their asses.

Now they've lost my paperwork, with my social security number all over it, to finish getting the loans to cover this semester.  After they told me I was paid up.  Don't get me started again.

Let's just say... I am a master writer.  In a very specific context.  I can kick some royal ass with my words alone.

Hey, we all gotta have one talent in life.  It appears I know what mine is!

Middle School X 2

I am back in middle school.  Yes, really.

Teaching it is really not all that different than being in it.  Minus the getting teased... oh wait, no, that'll probably happen too.

Let me sum up my first day back in middle school for you, specifically the 8th grade.  Hormonal, emotional, loud, racous, immature, and just plain nutty.  And the middle schoolers were worse!  It was fascinating to watch the kids wage battle within themselves on how they want to act, plus the differences between acting one way with your own gender and another with the other gender.  They're still learning the by-play.  Granted, I know adults who still haven't figured it out, so I suppose I don't have much hope for these youngsters.

Do I wish I were back in high school?  I never thought I'd be saying this, but the answer is a resounding YES.  That being said, I will learn a lot.  Namely, patience.  And a lot of it.

Ask a few people and they'll tell you that's just what I need.

My only response to said people is this...

Bite me.

Phone(s)

I have become an iPhone addict.  Yes, it is true.

How do I know this you ask?  Because I am now the obsessed owner of one.

Wait... what about my blackberry?

I still have that too.

Technologically nutty.  Only with phones though.  Both have their purposes and it's only costing me 20 more bucks a month.  So really.  Why WOULDN'T I keep both?  Ok, that and my bb contract isn't up until May, but really no need to mention that!!!

Really now.  The iPhone is the new love of my life. 

And speaking of loves of life, if you're not totally committed, do NOT change your passwords to anything having to do with that person.  I did and it is a hell of a process trying to change all of my passwords.  Ugh.  So take it from me.  Men just aren't worth that kind of hassle!  Or women if you happen to be a  man reading this...

Curves

I read this on one of my sites...

"Women are like roads... the more curves they have, the more dangerous they are"

Guess I better find myself a man who loves danger and loves to drive!

Maybe I should wear a warning sign... Danger ahead...

Earthquake!!!

You can take the girl out of California, but not the California out of the girl.

We just had an earthquake, a fairly long one, here in DC.  Go fucking figure.

Mom didn't believe me when I shouted we're having an earthquake.  I'm like, dude you've been through enough of these!  Next thing you know, she's running around asking if the buildings are built to withstand earthquakes.

Probably not.  We're not exactly in earthquake country.

Regardless, HOW COOL.  To my easties - aren't they fun?!

Garden Hose

Mom and I were driving down Wisconsin last night when I saw the Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac building.  I wondered if it had shut down yet and mom said, no it hadn't.  Then she said, "See, there's a man with a garden hose."

I couldn't figure out for the life of me what she was talking about and why a man with a garden hose would be indicative of anything.

It turns out she said, "There's a man in the guard post."

Another win for the hearing.