Top Gear

I'm watching Top Gear on netflix (whoo for the show being on instant watch or whatever it's called!) and loving it.  I was turned onto this show by Thou Who Shalt Not Be Named and while I rarely like to have memories of said person on hand, this show breaks that particular rule.

Tonight, I watched one of the "specials" where the guys traveled the length of Boliva/Chile.  Condoms, Tampax, and Viagra all made key appearances on this show.  Various words like penis and whatnot have showed up on other shows.

Does American television even ALLOW for such things?!  Aaaahhh.  To watch the un-prude-ish-ness of some things.  I'm starting to wonder if I'm in the totally wrong part of the world.

And not going to lie, Jeremy Clarkson's style... All I have to do is find a man dressed like that... Then, I shall be happy.  And if he can drive like that too... Yum yum!  And I really want his watches.  So you have your celebrity crush and I have mine... albeit it, a kinda weird one.  But... them's the way the wind blows.

Now... I just need to go find myself a prepster who knows how to drive... How difficult will this really be?  Ehh... I mean, it is just a man...

And I'm pretty sure I already know the answer.

Fucking difficult. 

P.s. the F-bomb is NOT allowed on television.  Because God forbid we ruin our childrens' ears with crappy language.  I mean, rude and offensive language.  Other words that may make this list are...

Fill in the blank here...

Better Life?

Whoever said yummy food can't feed the soul and make you feel better... bite me.

Whoever said shopping is a waste of time and can't make you feel better... can also bite me.

Just saying...

LAX

I walked into a wall. No joke.

Now I'm sitting here watching the delightful translate of American Airlines. There's a man in a full on business suit and wearing rainbow striped leg socks. Or the lady with perfectly coiffed hair,clearly professionally done, straight out of the 80's. Then there's a chick wearing ski pants on the bottom and a tank top up top. Um? Yes?

Oh! Lovely! A man just rearranged himself, hardcore style, while walking past. Now there's a talent for you. This is a show I'm dying to see again.

I'm really looking forward to this flight. There are always the strangest people heading into DC.

I guess I have no room to speak since I will be one of these said passengers...

Plane! In the Sky!

I'm in the air! Enjoying 30 free minutes of wifi courtesy of American and who knows who. Then I'll be on my phone with another email addy enjoying another 30 minutes. Bring it on, playing the system. Bet you never knew I was so gangster.

I'm sitting next to two people who have never met before and are now best friends. Did I mention they're toasted? I would type that in all caps if I weren't afraid they might actually be able to see through their blurry vision the word toasted on a blog. Oh. And the dude? Wearing sunglasses like he's hot shit.

If you live in Long Beach, which direction is the North Star?

Up.

Ha!

And of course, a classic. I decide to go to the restroom, for once in my life, and what happens? That's right. What invariably always happens when I actually go to the bathroom on the plane. Hardcore turbulence hit. *Sigh*

Did I mention I whopped my head good and proper trying to sit my ass in my seat with all of my shit? Which is the LEAST amount I've brought home for a weekend trip in YEARS? (Clearly I am no longer afraid of the caps). Dead serious. I actually have space in my carry on. WHOA. There's just something about empty space that makes me want to fill it.

On that note, Lo, I really hope you don't have going out plans for us. I'm about to say something shocking, so I hope y'all are sitting. I didn't bring a pair of heels with me.

GASP. Did hell freeze over?! Are pigs flying?!

Lo continues to be ridiculously excited I'm coming home. She broke many a heart and date just to spend Super Bowl with me. She even decided against inviting the entire west side to our shindig. She said it was because she just wants to spend time with me, but I wonder if it's because we have a very... Special... Read: weird... Relationship and there's just no need to submit people to the pressure of trying to understand it. There's trying to understand her - that's difficult. There's trying to understand me - that's even more difficult. Trying to understand us together??? Good luck on that one suckers.

Ok. Time to finish this up, so. Can go screw around some more on American's dime. Bring it!

Super Bowl

Lo seems to be ridiculously excited that I'm spending Super Bowl with her.  Not gonna lie, I'm ridiculously excited myself.  Let me break down a little convo for you - you may or may not understand why we're friends by the end of it...

Lo: Maybe we should make a couple of those "healthy snacks" for Super Bowl... to go with our El Som

(Notes: healthy snacks are generally only healthy if you have one bite of one... neither of us are known for one single bite of anything.  Second, El Som is a Mexican joint where you get fat just by looking at the building it's housed in)

Me: Awesome.  I can handle that!

Lo: And beer

Me: I need all of one.  You know how slow I drink.  LOL

Blah blah blah...

Lo: I'm so excited for El Som (with a weird happy face)

Me: ME TOO (with another weird happy face with hearts on it)

Lo: Maybe you make your guac so we have enough!

Me: And cheaper than el som's!

Lo: Totally, we're so smart sometimes

Me: Sometimes being the key word there... LOL

Lo:  Lol you caught that part

Me: Duh...

And this is why we are friends.  Bonding over El Som, being only sometimes smart, and being incapable of having only one bite of anything... rephrase, one bite of anything that's YUMMY.

Clearly, I'm not excited AT ALL about going home.

True Story

Gee, I wonder how many people should be reading this very thing... Whoo!  Regardless, true story.

Magnetic

So y'all know you're supposed to add "in bed" to the end of your fortunes when reading a fortune cookie, right?

My fortune last night: You have a magnetic personality.

Hehehehe...